The Story We Tell: Conquering Our Personal Narrative

Imagine for a moment that each of us lives in a world shaped largely by stories we’ve crafted about ourselves over time. These stories are deeply personal, painted with broad strokes of our experiences, beliefs, and lessons learned from childhood. However, these narratives aren’t just passive tales; they actively influence how we interpret our surroundings and react to challenges. The danger lies in how these stories, reinforced by a psychological phenomenon known as confirmation bias, can skew our perception and decision-making, often without solid evidence to support them.

Understanding Our Personal Narratives

What is a Personal Narrative? Our personal narrative is essentially the story we tell ourselves about who we are. It starts forming in our childhood, taking cues from our environment, the behaviors of those around us, and the feedback we receive. As we grow, these narratives solidify, guiding our thoughts and actions often subconsciously.

The Role of Confirmation Bias Confirmation bias acts like a filter through which we see the world, making us notice and remember information that confirms our pre-existing beliefs and ignore what doesn’t. This bias reinforces our personal narratives, making them stronger and sometimes more inflexible, even when faced with conflicting evidence.

The Impact of Untested Narratives

In professional settings, unchallenged personal narratives can lead to poor leadership decisions, ineffective policies, and workplace conflicts. For example, a leader who believes they are always the smartest person in the room may disregard valuable input from team members, potentially missing out on innovative ideas. Similarly, these narratives can limit personal development. If someone believes they are ‘not a math person’, they might avoid tasks that involve calculations, thus never improving their skills in that area or discovering they could actually excel with practice.

Challenging Our Own Stories

The first step to transcending these limiting stories is to recognize them. This requires honest self-reflection and perhaps feedback from others to help identify which parts of our narrative are not serving us well. Actively seek out information that challenges your narratives.

This might feel uncomfortable, but it is crucial for growth. For instance, if you believe you’re poor at public speaking, join a Toastmasters club to test and refine this aspect of yourself. Engage in practices that promote self-questioning. Journaling, for example, can help you unravel the stories you tell yourself, evaluate their truthfulness, and consider other perspectives.

Case Study: Transforming Leadership at XYZ Corporation

Background: XYZ Corporation faced significant challenges with staff turnover and low morale under the leadership narrative that “high pressure produces high results.” This belief was deeply ingrained in CEO John Doe from his early career experiences.

Intervention: John underwent executive coaching where he learned about personal narratives and their impact. He discovered his pressure-driven narrative was outdated and began seeking feedback and reflecting on new information.

Process and Results: John implemented changes such as more reasonable deadlines and recognizing employee achievements. Over the year, employee satisfaction scores improved by 40%, turnover dropped to 10%, and client satisfaction increased by 30%.

Reflection: John noted, “Changing the story I told myself about leadership wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I learned that adapting my narrative based on new evidence and feedback not only improved my effectiveness as a leader but also enhanced the well-being of our entire team.”

Strategies for Leaders

Leaders can foster an environment where questioning and critical thinking are valued. Encourage your team to challenge the status quo and to back up proposals with data rather than just opinions. Organize workshops that focus on understanding cognitive biases and how they distort our thinking. Knowledge of these biases can help team members recognize and adjust their thought processes. Create a safe space for open dialogue where different views are not only welcomed but expected. Some leaders make healthy disagreement mandatory, setting an expectation that people bring a counterargument to help spot and overcome biases.


Our personal narratives are powerful, but they need not define or confine us. By understanding the stories we tell ourselves and challenging their accuracy, we can improve both our decision-making and our interpersonal relationships. The effort to confront these ingrained beliefs can lead to a more thoughtful, inclusive, and dynamic professional environment.

Here’s my Call to Action

This week, identify one personal belief you hold about yourself. If you can’t think of one, ask someone close to you to name something you bring up about yourself regularly. Good or bad. Reflect on its origins, how it has shaped your behavior, and its ongoing impact on your life and work. You can share your insights in your next team meeting, or with family and friends, and start a broader discussion on personal narratives. This allows the people close to you to see the powerful role our stories play in shaping our realities. Changing the story you tell yourself is the first step in changing your life.

Kelly Blackmon

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